Trigger warning: OCD contamination, Trauma and struggles
Good greetings everyone. I hope you're all doing well. I had noticed yesterday that my contamination theme had spiked. I was making really good progress for a few months. It really distressed me. I just don't know what to do about it. I'm very overwhelmed sometimes. My mind is going through a lot as well. My principles are continuously clashing with my dark thoughts and desires and I don't know for how long I'm able to take this. I saw my old pics that I had taken when I was being treated for OCD and for the first time in over 9 and a half months, I've noticed how much I was suffering at that time. It's just that I am really depressed of how things are going with my life right now. It feels very tragic that I'm so alone and so hopeless. I don't know how I can even explain things properly as I don't wish to make anyone worry more as I know my statements can affect someone in a bad way. It's hard to keep everything inside while always wanting to have someone with whom you're able to share everything knowing that they're strong enough to listen to me. I just don't want to hurt anyone. Sometimes, some things trigger my traumatic memories as well and I get really angry and frustrated. It's just hopeless now. I know that no one is going to change and even if I do change, no one will ever accept me. It's difficult living with ignorant and careless people. It affects my OCD as well. I don't know what else to write as I just don't want to make this post too much distressing. Take care everyone.